This is a parody by The Starmeroids, written by a cat. It is not government advice. For the real emergency checklist, visit gov.uk/beready.

Tac's Ready

Emergency guidance for the staff.

Be ready for my dinner

Tac's checklist for the staff.

A water bowl and a bowl of cat biscuits stand beside three stacked cat-food tins.

Being ready for 3 days helps the staff manage while support reaches those in need. That is me. I am most in need.

Doing this is easier than you might think. You could have some of the items at home already. Most of them are already under me.

You do not need to do it all at once. Build up your readiness gradually, picking up an extra item or two when you can. My items first.

How to get started

  1. See what you already have. You have a cat. The rest is detail.
  2. Plan for your household. That is me, and the staff. Note down what I rely on. Start now.
  3. Build it gradually. Pick up missing items on your regular shopping trips. I will check the bags when you get home.
  4. Check it regularly. Six months is too long. Check the food cupboard every time you walk past it.
  5. Connect with your community. Next door's cat already has. He knows what you keep in the shed.

Use the checklist below to review the steps you have already taken, and what you still need to do. I have already reviewed you.

Light and warmth

Communication and information

Money and documents

Medical and health

Food

Hygiene

Water

Pet products

Tac's verdict: Nothing ticked. Tac has noticed.

If you have extra items, consider donating them to others. Not the ham. Help animals without staff.