This is a parody by The Starmeroids, written by a cat. It is not government advice. For the real emergency checklist, visit gov.uk/beready.

Tac's Ready

Emergency guidance for the staff.

Play your part

See how you can volunteer to support me during an emergency. Volunteering is compulsory.

Five cats sit on a pair of open human hands. In the middle is Tac, a small black short-haired cat with amber eyes and a small white chest patch, turning to inspect his support team. The four cats around him, a cream cat, two tabbies and a black and white cat, all look up at him.

Before an emergency

  1. Learn where I sleep. All eleven places.
  2. Know where the carrier is. I already know, and I will not be getting in it.
  3. Keep my food somewhere you can reach in the dark. I can find it in the dark. Be more like me.

During an emergency

  1. Stay calm. I will be calm. I will be under the bed.
  2. Keep to my feeding times. An emergency is not an excuse.
  3. Provide a lap. Remain seated until I say otherwise.

Check on your neighbours

A quick knock on the door of someone who lives alone can make a real difference. I will be checking on next door's cat. He will not thank me.

Help animals without staff