This is a parody by The Starmeroids, written by a cat. It is not government advice. For the real emergency checklist, visit gov.uk/beready.

Tac's Ready

Emergency guidance for the staff.

Tac's ready. Are the staff? A black cat sits on the full stop after Tac's ready, looking down at the question.

From severe weather to an empty food bowl, emergencies can disrupt the service I expect.

Being ready for 3 days helps the staff manage while support reaches those in need. That is me.

Open Tac's checklist for the staff. Then feed me.

Be ready for my dinner

Use my checklist to see some simple steps you can take to be ready for an emergency, including having 3 days' worth of supplies for you and 6 for me.

A water bowl and a bowl of cat biscuits stand beside three stacked cat-food tins.

Play your part

See how you can volunteer to support me during an emergency. Volunteering is compulsory.

Five cats sit on a pair of open human hands. In the middle is Tac, a small black short-haired cat with amber eyes and a small white chest patch, turning to inspect his support team. The four cats around him, a cream cat, two tabbies and a black and white cat, all look up at him.

Help animals without staff

Not every animal has staff. Find out how you can help a local animal charity care for those still waiting to recruit theirs.

A slightly scruffy tabby cat sits calmly, looking at a bowl of food held out by a human hand, while a second hand sets down a folded blanket beside him.

For local advice tailored to cats living in Scotland or Northern Ireland, ask the cat next door. He will not tell you.

Check the latest weather warnings

Look out of the window. If it is raining, I am not going out, and neither are you.

Tac, a small black short-haired cat with amber eyes and a small white chest patch, sits on a folded blanket on a lamplit windowsill, watching rain stream down the glass over a grey garden outside.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999. Tac says this one is not a joke.

This site will not be updated with live information during an emergency. I will be asleep.